my love affair with Breathwork

How are you healing? 

There is so much happening. We’re 9 months in the pandemic. Hundreds of years deep in social change as folx become more socially aware of racial injustice since the George Floyd uprising last May. Still amidst global warming, dismantling the patriarchy and fighting for equity - and that’s a lot. For many of us, we’ve been on this train for a while. For others, it seems like the world is rapidly changing. 

If there is one thing that is worth embracing, it’s change.

Nature’s way of existing is within its own cycles. And somehow, as human beings, we’ve forgotten this. Or we were never even taught this to begin with.

So with all of this change, destruction, reconstruction and uncertainty, I still ask you :

How are you healing?

Let’s get more specific…

How are you breathing?

I can’t tell you how in love I am with my breath. How it’s changed my inner world. Since discovering Breathwork, I’ve developed the most sensational crush on my nervous system and my body’s natural way of healing itself. 

Curious? Keep reading…

What is Breathwork? |

Breathwork is described as a practice of manipulating the breath to increase one’s vitality. Breathwork focuses on depth, rhythm, pace and full release of the breath. Through performing a specific breathing pattern ( there are so many! ) repeatedly for an extended period of time an individual or group can use the breath to move oxygen / energy through their physical body and energetic centers, or Chakras, aligning their body, mind, energy and emotions creating a healing circuit with many benefits. It’s known as a somatic healing practice connecting mind, body and soul.

Wait, you mentioned Chakras. So is Breathwork New Age?

No. And the Chakras are not New Age either. You may have noticed a surge in health and wellness practitioners, healers and intuitives emerging from the woodworks talking about Breathwork lately. Breathwork, like most healing modalities, is framed as a “new age” spiritual practice, but, like most healing modalities, it is not “new” or even “New Age”. In fact, it is an ancient practice that can be traced back to almost every indigenous group around the world. This might be surprising, but I bet if you traced any healing modality or “New Age” healing tool, you’ll find its roots are indigenous.

If you are learning to become a more conscious person I really encourage you to learn about ways you can also become more inclusive as well. To me, these are both one of the same.

How I found Breathwork

I actually discovered Breathwork about a year ago. It came into my sphere of awareness through a local healer, a tarot reader. Through them, I found a local Breathwork practitioner. I followed their work but felt incredibly resistant to the actual practice itself. I signed up for a 5 day breathwork challenge and never completed it. Truth? At that time, Breathwork scared me. The idea of opening up all the repressed emotions I’ve bottled up over the years made me feel very vulnerable and fearful. Truth? Looking back, I ignored the nuge to start my practice a year ago because I was afraid I couldn’t hold myself in my body and deal with what was going to surface. I was terrified that I wasn’t capable of supporting myself physically, mentallly and emotionally. I was also energetically drained and coping with a chronic illness. I sought out holistic support from a wonderful acupuncture practitioner who has studied Traditional Chinese Medicine with elders and it change my life. It gave me the grounding foundation I needed to engage in my body’s own way of healing. A year into treatment, I was ready for the next level of healing.

Then, about 6 months ago Breathwork came back into my life. I was reintroduced to it through a group coaching program by one of the guest coaches. I signed up for a free 30 minute meditation with a guide on how to do the 3 part breath (the most common form of Breathwork) and instantly I was in love. 

My first time…

The first time I did Breathwork I felt regenerated. Like a suffocated garden brought back to life. 

As I began the 3 part breath (breathing through the mouth only into the belly and again into the chest, then release through the mouth), I  was a little nervous. I had a million thoughts running through my mind. 

“Am I doing this right?”, “How long is this?”, “Are we close to being done?”, “What should I eat for dinner tonight?”, “Oh crap, I forgot to do that thing I was supposed to do…”

The average person has somewhere between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts in one day. 95% of those thoughts are repetitive from the day before. 

Our minds are programmed to think versus allow. And as a woman of color, I am programmed to give and give, and not receive. Something I will continuously be working on throughout this lifetime. The whole point of meditation isn’t to not have thoughts or control your thoughts, it’s to notice your thoughts as forms of information ( and sometimes protection ) and release them allowing them to move through you bringing you back to the awareness of your breath. For me, this is what makes a sitting meditation so hard. It’s also what makes the first 5-10 minutes of breathwork challenging.

But, with breathwork being a somatic healing practice ( a practice that connects the mind to the body through a body-centered approach ), I found that when I am able to focus on the movement of my breath, I can experience a truly special connection to all my 4 bodies : the physical body, the emotional body, the mental body and spiritual body. I have never experienced anything like this before and from the first time, even though I felt challenged, I still came back for more.

This was the first time I had ever experienced true interdependence inside of me. Instead of trying to control my fidgeting body and my wandering mind, I found myself becoming fascinated with the way my breath carried through the inside of my body. How it magnetized itself into my insides filling my belly, ribs and chest then alchemized my body in one fell swoop, over and over again...elation.   

I realized in that moment that happiness is not an external accomplishment. But an internal process. And it’s never about the outcome and always about the journey. This was a journey worth taking…

About 15 minutes in, my emotions began to swirl inside of me. At first I emotionally panicked, wondering what was happening, but as I kept breathing through them, something happened. For the first time ever, I began to really feel. Then, I began to cry. It wasn’t a single tear only type of cry - it was a full blown toddler cry...totally kicking and screaming. 

I don’t think I’ve ever allowed myself to feel so freely, even in the secrecy of my own home. Only a moment of true vulnerability and intimacy with myself could have produced this experience. 

Courting my breath…

Since my first time, I’ve continued my personal practice daily. I’ve created a special space in a corner on my floor where I keep my comfy yoga mat, an eye mask, some essential oils, a blanket and a pillow only used for punching when I need a more aggressive release. 

I find myself being drawn to that special spot on my floor daily where I know I can feel safe in my body - safe to feel my emotions and safe to set myself free. Free of judgement, worry, fear and shame. An innate opportunity to initiate an inner journey of healing for myself that I know impacts not only my life, but those around me. 

“Collective energy creates a synergy only an other worldly being could explain.”

Some days I’m there for 10 minutes, some days I’m there for 30. I love it when I get a complete hour in, especially through an online group facilitation where I get to receive in the energy held by a conscious facilitator and breathe in tandem with a group of amazing people. This is the most special experience. Collective energy creates a synergy only an other worldly being could explain.

Committing…

I’ve never embodied confidence like I pictured a confident person would. 

I’ve worked through years of unlearning unworthiness, self-judgement, negative self-talk and self-abandonment. Over the last year, I know something deep inside of me shifted. A tectonic plate awakening me to my own innate and very capable way of holding myself. All the coaching, acupuncture and learning created a solid foundation for me to know I had been healing all along. If healing is an island in the middle of the ocean, then breathwork is my sailboat. I always criticized myself for the lack of commitment I had when it came to the things I know I need to do to stay grounded and well. I know now that I was missing a piece of the puzzle all along and that’s why healing always felt so difficult. It’s why it felt so hard to let go. 

“If healing is an island in the middle of the ocean, then breathwork is my sailboat.”

Breathwork has taught me that commitment isn’t a do it or don’t do it thing, it’s an experience you give yourself and others. Because when I perform an act of commitment to myself and my breath, I get to experience the bounty on the other side of it. 

Commitment doesn’t require discipline, strategy or repetition.

Instead, even just a single act of commitment becomes a way to honor, express love and extend an invitation to create something sacred. 

And to commit to your body, mind and soul is the greatest love of all you can give it. 

This is the part that I am really excited about. 

Because of my commitment to my own healing breathwork practice, I’ve completed Breathwork Training! Which means I am currently facilitating breathwork sessions with groups and individuals. 

If you are interested in discovering this healing modality or want to maintain your own personal practice and you vibe with me as a facilitator, then I’d love to support you in your breathwork journey! Check out some options below!

and as always …

keep planting,

Jamie <3