what is shadow work?
There are wounds that fester so deep inside that sometimes you don’t even know it.
The wounds that keep you stuck, they help you get unstuck and stuck again. They manifest as shadows. They turn into a cycle that engages you in a deep excavation of the soul, a process of death and rebirth of going deep within and re-emerging with embodiment over and over again. This process is one that I know all too well as I begin to really understand what it means to heal and make space for healing. Many of us yearn to heal with others - in community - in acceptance and belonging. This is of the old ways and true ways to live and be alive.
Shadows are the parts of ourselves that we keep hidden due to fear of judgement from others. Often, the judgement we experience isn’t from others but it is in fact from ourselves. Shadows are the parts that we can understand as “dark” sides of our personality types. Everything has a dark side. Without darkness, there can not be light. These two elements must co-exist together and in this process we must live in the liminality of it. Shadows are the true parts of us that do make us human.
Sometimes we repress our shadows. This leads ultimately to a missed opportunity to expand our own self - awareness and understanding of who we really are and how we interact with the world around us. Shadows can sometimes be associated with feelings of anger and envy. They can also appear in between power dynamics of people. I also find that shadows tend to show us information about what we desire. It’s okay to have these emotions and desires! Again, we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t have these feelings! The point is that you identify these feelings and dynamics so that you can use them to your own advantage and empower yourself to make change toward what you truly desire.
I have learned this process is life long and cyclical, not linear. Imagine the branches of a tree. The multiple arms stretching out into different pathways. There is only the path you chose to take on your own journey, not a ladder to climb where you can look at those around you to see where you are at in comparison to their growth. So, even though it is a healing and transcending process where you “level up”, there is no such thing as a goal, achievement, end or even level where we are finished with the work. Because there will always be more. This might sound exhausting but stay with me…
What is the point of shadow work?
So if there is no end goal and there is always more work to do, then what is the point of it all? The point of it all is life my gentle friend. The beautiful thing about healing is that it is only what you make of it. For example, I chose to live my life in relationship to my own healing and my healing journey. I prioritize my own personal growth, practice and self-love everyday first and foremost. And, when I am able to do this for myself, I am able to show up in this life as the best and most effective version of myself for others and the planet. I can be firm in my convictions and guiding values and make choices and take action that supports them. I can contribute to the energetic hum that uplifts this planet through sharing my experiences in healing and I can show up for those closest to me in my everyday life as a co-creator in this life. Most of all, I can find peace, inner support, security and joy in just living this life as a human being on this planet. This is above all, the most sacred act.
The ripple effect of doing your shadow work
When you commit to your own self-healing, you help heal those around you and the world. When you set boundaries and your best friend notices you feel lighter, have more energy and feel good about yourself, they too will be inclined to take a good look at their own life (naturally) and see where they can set boundaries that serve them.
And we are all on this journey together.
Bouncing off one anothers triggers. Exposing our quivering scared shadows seeking the nearest rock to be hidden under until it is exposed again. Finding acceptance within this process is so freeing. This is the way of the work. This is what it means to grow. To expand.
Finding your shadow in the nearest person, situation or “mirror” and being openly curious enough to not even ask it “why?”, but first without judgement or asking, just see it. Look at it. Witness it’s shapes, it’s patterns, it’s darkness. Allow it to be part of you without feeling ashamed by the urge to cast it away, banished to some nether realm where it can never do you harm ever again. And that person who triggered you? Send them an energetic thank you beyond time and space! Because without their behavior, you wouldn’t have become aware of what you truly desire for yourself and chosen to take the higher road to self-awareness and embodiment to become the powerful version of who you are today.
A personal encounter with my shadow
I once had a co-worker who I felt always had a trigger to lend me. We were like water and oil. I felt they were conceded and always had an opinion to lend that was the opposite of mine - just to piss me off. I got triggered. I showed my emotions during staff meetings, casual work events and in office spaces. It was clear this person liked getting a rise out of me. I would often leave work feeling obsessed and peeved over our dynamic. It seemed as though this person always had a way of just pushing my buttons for pleasure.
One day, I left the office and decided to relax by listening to a podcast episode on the bus ride home. I can’t remember the name of the podcast or the episode, but what I do remember is one quote I heard someone say, “What other people think of you is none of their business.” That quote rang through my entire body like an alarm went off.
In that moment, I realized that the reason why I was so peeved all the time, had nothing to do with what my co-worker was saying or doing, but in fact, I was longing for her to validate me in my own words, actions and ways of being in this world. I wasn’t actually upset with her actions and words, I was upset over the fact that she wasn’t like me. This lead me deeper to investigate why. One of the things she was known for personality wise to others was having a stellar sense of self-assurance, confidence and assertiveness. As it turns out, these were all things I needed to exercise for myself in my own life. I needed to get more confident in my own skin and care less about what others thought of me.
And that is exactly what I learned from her.
As I began to exercise my own confidence and energy in not really caring about what others thought (including my co-worker), I noticed our dynamic shifted dramatically. We never became friends, but I felt more appreciation for her after that moment of growth and how she helped me to confront my own shadow. I know her placement in my life at that moment in time was karmic. We were meant to be there and I was meant to learn from her what I needed in order to grow into the confident, self-assured person I am today.
…
Shadows are often presented to us through a mirror effect within our enviornement and the people around us. Weather we like it or not, our shadows need our love and attention in order for us to self-actualize. It’s the only way through this healing journey.
Our shadows are apart of us and they don’t even know they hold the most gleaming, bright and beautiful gold you’ll ever see. The most precious pieces of ourselves that we can hold within our own arms.
My shadow inspires me to share this in the hopes we can all move forward in doing the work together. If you need a little extra support in working through your shadows, I have some offerings for holding the space. Check them out below <3
Keep planting. Keep watering. Keep blooming.
…and if you are interested in exploring the gentle welcoming home of the beautiful shadows inside you, then join me for breathwork. Breathwork is a self-expanding tool that helps clear our energy and allows us to consciously connect to ourselves and the world around us. It also expands the heart center. Book a 1:1 or join a group breathwork event today. <3